Dear Elder Meacham, you are hereby called to serve as a missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the Jamaica, Kingston mission.
That was me April, 2013, five years ago from this month. Opening my “Mormon” mission call- that was absolutely surreal. When I finally came home after two years in Jamaica, this is what I got while coming down the escalator at the salt lake city airport.
I spent my entire life, growing up in “Happy Valley”, Utah. The Missionary Training Center in Provo was a night’s walk from my house and I could get to a temple by driving only a couple miles.
The standards have been there too. I’ve never drake, never smoked, not so much as even had sex. I even went to church every week, thanks in no part to my parents. It’s strangely amazing how one I got home, I still had a certain moral life that I was expected to live. It wasn’t my moral.
Well- not exactly. It was a missionary standard. I learned a lot living in Jamaica for two years. I mean, really, who wouldn’t? But even the night before I left my mission, I was told to get to dating, that I had to love going to church and I could never say a damn cuss word again or I would be a shame to my religion.
In case you didn’t know, “Mormon” churches aren’t the funnest places to be. Having a bunch of people show off the knowledge they got- it gets old fast. Dating? Stressful as hell! Going up to a girl isn’t any easier than it is in high school and cuss words? Well, you get the picture.
So damnit! I will say whatever the hell I want to say. I’ll date whenever the hell I want and whoever the hell I want. I love the church but I would have more fun watching grass grow than I do sitting in a Sunday school class.
My name is Kurt Meacham. I am a returned “Mormon” missionary. Just, not the one little kids hear about growing up. I cuss. I’m single- heck I’m single as hell. I hate going to church but I’m still a good person. I respect others’ opinions. People can say whatever they want and not feel like they are being judged by damn moron.